Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.

(440): View more from Ohio

Honestly, what else do I have going for me?

(216): View more from Ohio

You make a valid point.

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(917): View more from New York City

Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

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(702): View more from Nevada

she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.

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(817): View more from Texas

I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.

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(210): View more from Texas

If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night

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(574): View more from Indiana

No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts

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(404): View more from Georgia

He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.

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