We're like a lot better than the average bears
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
