Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
