I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
