I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
