Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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