Buhtt sex?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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