he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
