I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize