did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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