My nipple is on Facebook.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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