The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
