I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
