'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
