my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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