I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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