I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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