If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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