I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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