Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
