i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
