I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
