so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
