I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
