Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
