totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
