Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't notice because vodka
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
