dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
