Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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