You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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