Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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