Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
