Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
