if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
