I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
