Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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