I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
