Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
