How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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