2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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