did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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