bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
