i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
