Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
