Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have fence marks all over my body
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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