I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
