he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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