After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
