I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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