it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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