So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just threw up on my dentist
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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