Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
