i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
