He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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