I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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