1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
