I think I am morally bankrupt
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
