We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
