Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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