its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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