I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
