You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
