The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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