College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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