I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
