You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
