Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
