Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
zippers are such a cool invention
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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