The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize